If You Love Me Read online

  If You Love Mewritten by Anna Kristell

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  Chapter One

  Ashley Brant’s green eyes flashed with anger as she glared at her husband, Adam, from across the room. “What is your problem?”

  Adam ran his hand through his thick, reddish-brown hair and sighed. Finally he moved closer until he stood in front of her. He replied angrily, “My problem, Ash? I think you’re the one with the problem. You find fault with everything I do lately. There’s no pleasing you.”

  “If you tried a little harder, maybe I wouldn’t have so much to find fault with,” she answered sarcastically.

  “Maybe my little brother was right after all. He always said we rushed this marriage. He couldn’t believe we got engaged three months after we met. I always scoffed at him, but now I don’t know.”

  “Are you saying you regret marrying me?”

  “No, Ash. I don’t know. Things were great between us until these past few months. I don’t understand what’s happening to us. We can’t seem to agree on anything these days. We fight about everything, from who’s going to take out the trash to whether or not we’re going to start a family. Is that the problem? You aren’t ready for kids and you don’t want to tell me?”

  “That’s not it and you know it, Adam. I want a baby as much as you do. But I refuse to bring a child into this world with things the way they are between us. Something’s got to change.”

  “And it’s got to be me, is that what you’re saying?”

  “Think about it. Lately, you’re, well, just different. You’re not the fun-loving, hot-blooded man I fell in love with. You’re distant. You never want to go out and when we stay in, you ignore me. You’re either glued to the television or the computer. That’s not what I signed up for. I miss our good times together.”

  “Is that what you think? Well, lady, I’ve got news for you. You’re way off base. You’re the one who’s changed. That sweet, crazy, happy-go-lucky gal I fell in love with has left the building.”

  “Adam, we’re not two kids dating. We’re married. We’re grown-ups with real, everyday problems. We have responsibilities. Life isn’t always fun and games in the real world. We have jobs, housework, bills to pay. Do you see where I’m going with this? Add a baby or two to the mix and our lives will be even busier. Until we can learn to balance the rest of it and still manage to love each other like crazy, we can’t move forward and have a baby.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want to move forward with me now? Are you saying you want out?”

  Ashley sighed deeply as the tears threatened to flow. “I’m not saying that at all. What I’m saying is we need to grow up. We should be able to handle the responsibility and still have fun. We don’t seem to be able to do that.”

  “So what you’re really saying is marriage to Adam Brant isn’t what you thought it would be. I don’t measure up to your idea of the perfect husband. News flash, baby, no husband is perfect just like no wife is perfect. You’re going to have to learn to accept my faults or move on.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?” She turned to go.

  “Everyone tried to tell me I was just your rebound guy. I guess I should’ve listened. I let my heart rule my head when it came to you. I was so crazy in love with you I didn’t care. I wanted you, and I was determined to have you at all costs. I thought we could make it work.”

  Ashley turned to face him. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love you, Adam. I still love you. I just think we need to work out our differences and stop talking about having a baby until we do. I don’t find fault with everything you do. You just infuriate me at times, when you don’t help out around here, or when you think just because we’re married we have to stay home every weekend.”

  “Is that what this is really about, Ash? Because I can assure you, your darling Ross wouldn’t have been perfect either. Hell, he wouldn’t even stick around when you started talking marriage.”

  Smack! Ashley slapped him hard across the face. “You’re a son-of-a-bitch, Adam. To bring up what happened between Ross and me when you know how hurt I was about it. I told you about our break-up because I wanted you to know what happened, not because I wanted you to throw it in my face every time we argue. I was being honest with you. When I met you, I was still afraid to let myself fall in love again. By telling you why I was afraid, I thought you’d understand my hesitancy to start a relationship with you. Once you convinced me you weren’t going anywhere, I fell and I fell hard, Adam. For you, not Ross. Apparently you don’t believe that.”

  Adam rubbed his cheek. “Go find the one that got away, Ash. That’s what you really want. That’s what this is all about. You’re still in love with Ross Canter. You can’t stand the fact he walked out on you. If it wasn’t true, you wouldn’t be so angry with me for bringing his name up. I really thought I could make you forget the guy. But I guess I was wrong and everyone else was right. So, no, I don’t believe you when you say it’s me you want. Because everything about you tells me you’re still not over him. You may love me in some way but not t
he way I want you to. You’ve never fully given yourself to me. I know he’s still in the back of your mind and in your heart. So go find him. See what you’re missing out on. See if he’s changed his mind. Maybe the two of you will be ecstatically happy together.”

  “You can’t mean that.”

  “Try me. I’m giving you my blessing. I can’t go on with you if I’m not the reason you wake up in the morning or the reason you can’t wait to get home from work at night.”

  “You. Make. Me. So. Mad!”

  “Apparently, I do. I don’t see you trying to end this argument. I don’t see you rushing into my arms. That must mean you’re contemplating what I just said.”

  Ashley turned and fled to the sanctity of their bedroom, unable to control the tears any longer. She wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. He’d only accuse her of crying for Ross. Was he right?

  Slamming the door, she went to the bathroom, stripped, and ran a hot bath. After she’d soaked until her skin was wrinkling, she stepped out and dried herself with a fluffy white towel. When she was snugly settled under the blankets, in the queen-sized bed she shared with Adam, her thoughts wandered. She thought back to the day she had once thought her world had ended. She and Ross had dated for two years. He was…well…hot. Tall, well-muscled, tanned, blonde, he looked like a surfer boy. She had, in fact, met him at the beach, while on vacation. They immediately bonded and soon after entered into a hot, steamy romance. He’d even moved to the Midwest, to be near her. But as young girls often do, Ashley had dreamed of a future with Ross, complete with white-picket fence, two kids, a dog, a cat, the all-American dream. When she had mentioned her dreams to Ross, he simply laughed and kissed her. Of course, all coherent thought was gone after that and the subject was always dropped. Ross had known how to play her.

  She would never forget the conversation that ended it all. The day she refused to back down. Ross had stopped by after work one Friday evening ready for a night of bedroom play. But Ashley had other ideas. She brought up the subject of marriage again. When he’d tried to kiss her, she’d pulled away. She wasn’t about to be put off again.

  “Ross, we have to talk. We never finish this conversation.”

  “Okay, sweet thing, talk away,” he’d said.

  “I want to get married. We’ve been together two years now. We’re good together, you can’t deny that.”

  “I can’t deny we’re hot together, babe, but I don’t know about this whole marriage gig. I don’t think it’s for me.”

  “Not for you? If you love me as much as you say you do, there wouldn’t be any hesitation. Either you want to spend the rest of our lives together or you don’t. You have to decide.”

  “Are you giving me an ultimatum? Are you saying I have to decide tonight?”

  “Yes, I guess I am. I love you and I feel the time has come for us to move to the next level.”

  He’d looked at her long and hard. “Then I guess this is goodbye, Ashley. It’s been fun but I can’t give you what you’re asking for.” He’d leaned over, kissed her, and walked out the door, leaving a broken-hearted Ashley behind.

  When he hadn’t called her over the next few days, she’d gone to his place. His neighbor told her he’d left town. “Just packed up all his stuff and drove off. The landlord’s already got someone else lined up to rent his apartment.”

  Ashley had driven home, blinded by her tears. For six months she mourned the loss of Ross in her life. Finally, resigning herself to the fact he was never coming back, she forced herself to attend a party one night with a friend. It had been at that fateful party she had met Adam Brant. Adam was a hunk, to say the least. Ruggedly handsome, with reddish-brown hair, midnight blue eyes, and a smile that could melt any girl’s heart. He was tall, but not as tall as Ross, stockier built, but all muscle, not an ounce of fat on his gorgeous body. He’d made her laugh as they’d shared a drink and pleasant conversation that night. At the end of the evening, he’d asked for her phone number and told her he’d like to see her again.

  “I’d like that, too. Call me,” she’d said as they said goodbye.

  The rest, as they say, was history. They began dating, and within three months, he’d asked her to become his wife. Two years with Ross and he hadn’t been ready to commit but after three months of bliss, Adam knew he wanted to spend eternity with her. Now, tonight, after this last argument, she had to wonder. Did I rush into this marriage because I was so touched by the sudden proposal or was it truly meant to be? Was Adam right, had she never really gotten over Ross? No, it’s just not true, I love Adam. Sure, I’ll always wonder what might have been but my life is with Adam…isn’t it?

  When Adam hadn’t come to bed by midnight, Ashley rolled over and attempted to fall asleep. Normally after one of their frequent arguments, he gave her some time to simmer down before joining her in the bedroom to make up. Apparently he was still angry with her. Ashley began to cry again, burying her face in the pillow as she realized her world might very well be headed for a shake-up once more.

  Ashley finally cried herself to sleep. It was a deep, fitful sleep, as she tossed and turned. And as she fell deeper into oblivion she began to dream about a night long ago and what might have been.

  Chapter Two

  Ashley found herself scurrying about the apartment. It was Friday and Ross would be here any minute. Tonight’s the night, she told herself. Tonight he’s not going to steer the conversation away from our future. This is the night I’m getting engaged to the love of my life.

  She finished straightening up the living room and went into the kitchen to check on dinner. She had offered to cook for the two of them and a romantic evening at home was part of the plan. As she stirred the pasta sauce, she hummed to herself. Here comes the bride…

  As she heard his familiar knock on her door, she grinned. “Hey, hot stuff, ready for my spicy pasta sauce?”

  He leaned in and kissed her as he walked in the door. “I’m ready for some spice but I’m not talking about pasta, sweet thing.”

  “Dinner first, spicy love later,” she teased.

  “Damn, woman, you’re cruel. Come here and let me warm you up. You might decide to try spicy love first and spicy pasta later.”

  She giggled as she walked into the kitchen, followed by her lover.

  “On second thought, that smells pretty damn good. Maybe I will eat first.” He took the wooden spoon from the counter and helped himself to a sample of her homemade sauce.

  As she playfully smacked his hand, she set the table and picked up a book of matches. She lit the candles and turned to him. “Tonight’s a special night for us, Ross. You just wait and see.”

  “Oh, I like the sound of that. How about a teaser before dinner?”

  “Behave,” she said, laughing.

  After he had devoured two helpings of pasta, a salad, and three breadsticks, she offered chocolate mousse for dessert.

  “You’re spoiling me, sweet thing.”

  “That was the general idea. You know, I could spoil you like this every night if we were married. You might want to think about that the next time you say marriage isn’t for you,” she said.

  “I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe we should discuss it.”

  “I was hoping we could do that tonight,” she replied, smiling sweetly.

  “Let me help you with the dishes then we’ll get comfy and I promise, we’ll talk about it,” he said as he got up from the table and began clearing the dishes.

  Not used to him helping her in the kitchen, Ashley stood back for a minute watching.

  “What’s the matter, babe?” he asked.

  “Er…nothing…” she replied as she walked to the sink.

  “Ah, you’re not used to seeing me helping out. That’s all going to change, sweet thing. You’re going to see a whole new side of this boy from now on. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”

  “Ashley, marry me. I know you’re not going to let up on this. One of us has
to compromise. I know you’re not going to back down. If I want to keep you in my life, I need to change my ways, so let’s do it.”

  “Are you serious?” she asked.

  “As a heart attack,” he replied, grinning. “And I can prove it.” He picked his shirt up off the floor and took a small box out of the pocket. He handed it to her.

  When she opened it, she gasped. Inside the small velvet box sat a small diamond solitaire in a yellow-gold setting. She took it out of the box and put it on her finger.

  “Does it fit?” he asked.

  “Perfectly,” she answered with tears in her eyes.

  “Don’t I get a kiss for this?” he teased.

  She leaned up for the kiss to seal the deal. There was no more discussion that night about the wedding.

  In fact, there was no more discussion about the wedding for several weeks. It was almost as though Ross had bought the ring to appease her. Now he could postpone the marriage a while longer. But Ashley was too happy to care. She quickly dismissed that thought from her mind, as she happily went about her daily routine, reserving her nights for her hot, young fiancé.

  After a few months went by, Ashley gingerly brought up the subject of setting a date. Ross didn’t balk as she feared he might. He said he’d go along with whatever she wanted. She could plan everything and he would do his part. He would show up at the altar. And that was exactly what he did. He wasn’t there for any of the planning or shopping. He planned to move into her apartment after the wedding. As far as she knew, he was still partying with his friends while she and her friends planned the big event.

  Let him have his fun, she told herself. He’ll settle down after the wedding.

  The week before the wedding, he began slowly moving his things into her place. It didn’t seem as if he was bringing much but she assumed he’d gotten rid of some things while he was packing up his apartment for the move.